Lessons from Old Dudes

Insert snide comment about me liking blueberry muffins here...but anyway. I was in the presence of old dudes all day yesterday, and I have learned some things.

First off, certain old dudes need to stop accosting other males in my presence. And I do mean "accosting". I think certain old dudes do not take their shots on this day of the week and cannot be blamed for what they do when their sugar is low. It's bad enough that certain old dudes are sushi whores who will lick black dirt-crusted feet for $45 worth of sushi (I'm saying this for effect, owner of said feet. don't hurt me), but I can't deal with the French. And the purring. I'm not making this up. This kind of thing can scar a delicate thing like me for life. And caffeine is evil, for while I was under the influence, I caught myself starting to think the situation was kinda hot. Immediately following that depraved and completely illogical thought, I mentally screamed at myself, "HAVE YOU LOST ALL OF YOUR SANITY?!! NO MORE MACCHIATO FOR YOU, MISSY!!!". I'm definitely easing up on the coffee for a while... And if I were a certain other male I see every Thursday at a certain time, I'd be afraid. I'd be very afraid. If the madness doesn't stop, you're next, buddy.

But seriously, I love hanging out with this old dude. I used to be a little in awe of him because he was the one up there saying all the deep spiritual things. Then I got to know him a little better, and I realized he was actually human. And nuts. And for some reason, he's become one of the people I feel most comfortable with. He's taught me a lot just by being himself. I guess the biggest thing I've learned from him is when you really love God, it shows even when you don't mean it to. Even when you're licking feet and harassing my male friends. I'm really going to miss him when he's gone. But shh, don't tell him I said that.

Second, other old dudes have a lot to say. I had to go listen to another old dude speak for a class, and I was so sure it was going to be a complete snore-fest. But this old dude was really intelligent, and he had an awesomely dry sense of humor. He told us about his experiences as a black man with a P.H.D. in World War II. I had never heard a perspective quite like that before, so I stayed awake the whole time. Now that's willpower, people. It was cool, though, so I'm glad I went.


Third, I realized I'm madly in love with an old dude. A reeeeally old dude. Well, I always knew, but it kinda popped out and bopped me in the nose again last night. This guy is older than my parents. Heck, he's older than my grandparents. I mean, he's been around since time began. But strangely enough, he's more in touch with me than most people my age. I was thinking about my past romantic endeavors, and I realized as I was singing a song just for him that there will never be any guy that I'll ever love quite as much as this old dude. But it's fine, because he loves me a kajillion times as much as that. I was thinking about all the stuff this old dude's done for me and everything we've been through, and I was floored once again. It's nights like these that I can't say anything but "I'll give you my everything. I swear it. I swear it, God."

Good Friday is today. I was a little weepy. I don't know why, but I'm always a little sad on Good Friday. It hurts to think about the cross, I mean to really think about it, but I make myself do it. I make myself think about the one who loves me so much and who I love so much hanging there in the most excrutiatingly painful position, bleeding, dying, and probably not even caring because of what was happening in his soul. All that pride. All that lust. All that hatred, that depression, that self-centeredness, all multiplied by the countless people who have ever lived and will live and smeared over the blamelessness of my Savior. It made his own Father turn away in disgust. Jesus was filthy and utterly alone, and there was no one who could help him. I know exactly why he cried out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" And it brings me to tears. Because that was my pride too. And my lust and my hatred and my self-centeredness. He suffered for me. And he chose to go through with it when he knew that half the time, I wouldn't even appreciate what he did. That's what love is. And it's all the love I'll ever need.