I would very much like to sleep now...

...but no! I must perservere! I must post prolific things!

Well...not really.

My mommy brought in cuttings from our modest flower garden. Orange lilies...red gladiolas...it made our dining room table sunshiny.

I dropped my red dreamcatcher necklace minus the chain in my chai box and stuck it in the cabinet before I remembered to take it out. My dad found it. I'm pretty sure he thought it was a voodoo charm. Yeah, Dad...the tea is hexed.

I really need a pick. A callus is rearing its ugly head on my thumb. It hurts to strum. But strum I must. At least until I can play "Brighten My Heart". Then I may very well quit.

I have a lot of things I have vowed to do this summer. Draw...do my cross-stitch a lot, if not finish it...get my driver's license...get a job...exercise regularly...learn more of the guitar. I hope I'll have stuck with something by the end of this summer...

Thought of something...people are leaving the Shack band systematically. First Callis left, then Lou's leaving in December, and now there's a good chance I'll be in Japan the following fall, doing Study Abroad and earning credit for my newly acquired Japanese minor...although that's just for a semester. I just realized that even if I don't get a job, I still have the money to go from leftover scholarships. Basically, the only thing that's stopping me is me. That, and I'm not officially taking Japanese until this fall, which bothers me. Can I really survive three or four months in a foreign country when I've only studied the language for a year? Eeegh...maybe I should wait another year...

But yes. Come Thirsty. Reminded me why I like Max Lucado. The "living water" metaphor is one of the best-known ones in the Bible, but I've never really thought that much about it. Actually, it's a really good metaphor. Just like there are signs we're dehydrated physically, there are signs we're dehydrated spiritually. Sure, everybody gets mad or sad sometimes, but if you can't seem to shake it, it might be a sign that you're a little dry. I feel it in the resentment I insist on holding on to towards my father. I feel it in the way I just shut out people who remind me even remotely of the people who've hurt me in the past, even if they're perfectly nice people. I could let it go. I should let it go. But I won't, and it's mostly a matter of pride. I was wondering why God felt a little far away, and now it seems so obvious to me. I knew how to fix this all along, but I didn't. I've been afraid to really approach God lately because I know I'll have to forgive amd accomodate and I'm sick of forgiving and accomodating but if I don't do it, nothing will be resolved. Frankly, I'm sick of having to be the one who resolves everything all the time. ....Ooh, that sounded quite spoiled. But I can feel my heart crusting over, and I really want to move forward. So I'll swallow back my huge ego and let God do what he wanted to do in the first place.

"Like water, Jesus goes where we can't. The Spirit of Jesus threads down the throat of your soul, flushing fears, dislodging regrets...Your directions are not needed, but your permission is. Like water, Jesus won't come in unless swallowed. That is, we must willingly surrender to his lordship. You can stand waist deep in the Colorado River and still die of thirst. Until you scoop and swallow, the water does your system no good. Until we gulp Christ, the same is true."