This probably made a lot more sense in my head...

Last night, I was with my friends. I thought about how much some of them had grown, and how I want to tell some of them how much they mean to me before I have to move on. I got that dopey, misty smile I hate. Also, I have never heard a car referred to as a metal...

Ah, yappari I can't say it. I just think of my poor mother reading this blog. Or my dad...

I woke up at...6 this morning. I didn't actually get out of bed until 7. I think...I would like to have a reason to want to jump out of bed and just get started like I used to. It's kind of sad.


When I wake up, I stay in bed and think about a TV show I saw the day before. I go over the funny or sweet parts in my head and smile. I think, "Oh, it would be nice if..." and things like that. I really don't want to leave that place, so I never really want to get out of bed. Between waking up and leaving the house, it takes anywhere from 2 to 4 hours, depending on how much I procrastinate, which is a lot lately. I think I'm really jittery about graduating and everything.

I have become obsessed with Japanese boy bands. Have I mentioned that? Cause it's probably worse now than it was before. Far worse. I really don't understand how I, who cringes every time she hears a sour note of any kind, can listen to often mediocre or close to tone-deaf singing all the time.

...Yes, I do. I totally sold out my musical dignity for pretty faces and shiny, flaily...I don't know what to call it. It's past metrosexual and like 2 feet from gay...although the fangirls want to believe otherwise. (Although...working with nothing but guys all the time...at least one of them's got to be...)

Those danged songs get stuck in your HEAD. Ask my sister. I showed her one performance once online, and by the time I left her house, she was singing the chorus.

Once is all it takes. I swear, if they could tweak their marketing strategy, Johnny's Entertainment could take over the world.

...That's kinda scary to me.

I played laser tag for Valentine's. It was a lot more fun than I thought it'd be...even though I suck. Laser tag is best when everyone's ridiculously hardcore.

When I think about my friends and family, I feel happy. I feel really blessed, and life doesn't seem so scary anymore.

I'm really frustrated about my future. I seem to have no drive. I feel as though the thing I want the most is impossible, but it's all that I can see. I wonder if I've already given up...at least partially.

I got really sad when I found myself at the end of a dream. I sat on the floor and cried. Then I kept crying on and off for days. But now, I'm at peace with it. I think I'm the happiest I've been since that dream began, because it tore me up inside. I don't regret it, though. I think having that experience made me a stronger person.

Last night, I burst out laughing at SNS. I tried to hold it in. ...To tell you the truth, that was really embarrassing for me.

There's a person that I really look up to. He's always working hard, and just when I think I know his limits, he pushes them even further. When I look at him, I think, "Surely if I could be that dedicated, then..." I'd like to always be suprising people too.

I keep sleeping weird. I'll wake up, and my hip'll be really sore, like I wrenched it out of place. Maybe I should stop sleeping on my side...but it's never given me problems before.

Ah, well...not like I want to get out of bed anyways.