An answered prayer- and it's not about me

Just came back from CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ) and it was awesome. Three things really jumped out at me, so this post may be a little long.

1. We had special guests tonight- the Aaron Keyes Band led worship. They were really talented, and Aaron had a lot of insightful things to say. (When he said he had been married 5 years and had 2 kids, I was like, "When did you get married? 15?!" But that's beside the point.) He was talking about corporate worship and how important it is to have it, and it hit me. You see, I've never really had any Christian friends my age besides my sister and my best bud at my home church Shannon. My prayer for years has been, "Please send me some close Christian friends." So I'm standing in this row of fellow Maxicans, all buds, and I go, "Duh, Liza." I thought about the rash of awesome Christians I've met through CRU and the Shack, and I realized God had answered my prayer far beyond I could've ever imagined. It brought tears to my eyes, and all I could say was "Thank you, God. You've snuck up on me once again." I seriously wake up every day and realize I'm happy, really happy, for the first time in a decade, and I thank God for at least one of my Christian friends. Guys, you truly help God come alive to me, and I should seriously run up to you guys and give you all huge hugs and blubber and get snot all over you.

2. One of the songs we sung out was a contemporary arrangement of the old hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul". Beautiful lyrics. Basically, it says, "No matter what happens, when life is completely beautiful or when you can't seem to stop the tears from coming, I can still thank you and say, 'It is well with my soul.'" I've had to really come to terms with that in the past year. I am nowhere near where I thought I'd be this time last year, but I'm in a place that's so much better. I feel like I've finally let go of my past and started to heal those long, ragged scars that I thought would never go away. I guess the real test will come when really bad things happen (as I'm sure they will). But I think, at least I hope, that when the time comes I'll be able to say what I can without hesitation now: "It is well with my soul."

3. The speaker was from a local church. I forget his name, but his message was so convicting and it was something I really needed to hear. The thing is, God is my best friend. That part is easy. Remembering that he's my Savior too? Not always so easy. I need to be reminded of that every once in a while- while getting my toes stomped on with painful force. I need to know how God connects with me most of the time, but I also need to know just how big He is and how unimportant I am sometimes too. The speaker was talking about worship, and he pulled no punches. He reminded me that worship isn't about me and whether I feel good or if I sound good. He also asked, "When's the last time you entered the throne room of God and just listened, instead of bringing your Santa Claus wishlist of things you want Him to do?"

Ouch. Too close to home, but I really needed to hear that.

Lately, I find myself saying this one-sentence prayer a lot: "God, don't let me screw this up." It has to do with a lot of things: how I as a Christian act in public, how I deal with other people, whether or not I let myself go and let God do what he needs to do when I sing on Sunday nights. If someone was to turn away from God because of something I did because I just wasn't feeling it that particular day, it would break my heart. I'm my own worst critic, so I know best how I fall short in so many areas. The fact that God works through me is a miracle in itself. I remember something Lou said one day: "This life we're living right now is our one shot at this." It's true. I feel like I wasted a lot of time this past year lashing out at God about things I just didn't (and still don't completely) understand. But I'm going to make the most of the time I've got left. I know I'm going to mess up sometimes, but I'm going to remember who God is and why I'm doing this and give it everything I've got. If I can do that much, I know God will do the rest.