By Request...

I have a nice story at the end for you peoples, since I was supposed to write about this a long time ago, but I kept saying, "Nah. I'm not going to go there." But Lou told me one day last week, "You need to write about this. You said you were going to write about it." So I'll keep my promise. But first, make sure you check out the links to the blogs of people I know on the sidebar (scroll down past previous posts and archives). I finally figured out how to get it to work...I'm so proud of myself.

Now, then. The story. I haven't been able to post the last day of SOTR because...well, to preserve any respect some of you may have left for Matt Callis. See, I used to think Callis was a little bit saner than the rest of us, but I'm beginning to see that I was horribly wrong. And that amuses me to no end. And then there's the way I was feeling that day, which I keep trying to post but end up taking down again. There's really no way to explain one part of the story without explaining the other.

Anyway, last day of SOTR. I rode back with Lou and Beth, and we had a really cool conversation about faith and other subjects. Then we sung to Sheryl Crow and Madonna. Oh, yes, and we sang "Loving You" again. You know, that song with that really high note...oh, that was...interesting. But it wasn't nearly as funny as when Eric and Jones were singing it with me and Lou on Wednesday...

I had resigned myself to waiting around for a few hours when I got back to Columbia. My mom was home, but my dad had insisted on coming with her, so she had to wait until he got back from work. Which pissed me off a little bit, mostly because it made me feel like a little kid coming home from camp. I went to Groucho's with a whole posse of Shackers, and the girls talked about Barbies while the guys obviously zoned out. Then G-Mo finally says, "So, how about those G.I. Joes, Matt?"

To which Jones replied, "I never had a G.I. Joe."

After watching this black-and-white movie in which the actors spoke in fake Irish accents that were painfully obvious, Lou had mercy on me and let me stay with her at her house. We watched Sweet Home Alabama, which was nice of her since she had just seen it earlier that week, and said, "Awww, that's so sweet. But that would only happen in dreamland."

Jones came over, too, and he and Lou kept trying to kill each other for some reason. I just watched. Even when Lou begged for help. And when Lou went to run some errands, Jones decided to play a joke on her. He grabbed these two jars of coffee grounds out of her freezer, gave me one, and told me to pretend like I was eating it. Then he turned on this crazy-sounding music, and we sat like that until Lou came back. She proceeded to throw fruit at Jones.

5:00 came and went, Jones left, or was rather wrestled out by Lou, and I began to get a little anxious. I called my mom, and she was still at home. My dad was AWOL. It turned out that a shipment had come just as he was about to leave work. I was like, "Uh-uh. You are coming to get me. The man is just out of luck." And yes, I really do call my dad "the man" since he's the only one in our family. Just not to his face. I'm not that crazy.

I began to feel like quite the nuisance. I felt like I was inconveniencing Lou, and she was probably getting sick of me, so I decided to hang out on her front porch by myself for a while. There's a really nice view out there, and I watched the sun set. I began to feel a little bit sad because I realized there would never be another memory quite like the one I had made at Shack on the Rocks. I had been thinking about it all the time at Bonclarken, but this time next year, Lou and Callis won't be here. It makes me depressed if I think too much about it. I came back in for a minute, heard Callis was coming in a few, and immediately went back outside. I couldn't take it. At that moment in time, I couldn't stand to be there and I wanted with all my heart to be there at the same time.

To make a long story short, the two of them made me come inside. I wanted to crawl somewhere and die. Then Callis started fiddling with Lou's stereo, and he was possessed by a demon of...I'm not sure what to call it. It was not dancing. He grabbed this figurine Lou has that looks kind of like a microphone, only the round part is a face, and started singing "God Put A Smile Upon Your Face". Then he and Lou just start grabbing random figurines of hers and dancing with them. Ceramic doves. Mini wire guitars. Lou got on top of the table, Lord. I have never laughed so hard in my life. Or been so completely horrified. The song ended, and I thought I was free.

Then "Closing Time" came on. And Callis was not through. By the end of the song, I was screaming at Matt, "Yes, I do know who I want to take me home! And I hope they come really soon!" I had to scream because the stereo was up so loud. Thankfully, Lou had finished dinner by then. It was so funny because Lou and Callis were talking about how Lou had made this beautiful meal, and I was zoning out. I think it was when Callis asked Lou, "Is this is a wine-based or egg-based Caesar?" that I realized that I don't cook but rather make things no longer raw.

It was crazy, but I may never forget that night. Mostly because I break out in helpless laughter every time I hear "God Put A Smile on Your Face" now. You are not supposed to laugh at Coldplay!!! Is nothing sacred?!!!