It seems like I haven't been able to experience much besides varying shades of apathy for the past few days. Well, except for Covenant Group last night. That was awesome. :) I think it's because I have freaked myself out so much over the past few weeks that my emotions have finally gone into hibernation as they tend to do at times. You know something's not quite right when I find out I got a D on my exam Monday and I barely bat an eyelash, mutter something about the stupidity of making tests that are nothing like the homeworks and practice problems, which I always get right and get A's on, and come to the realization that I'm most likely getting a C out of the class with no tears and only slight resigned disgust.
Resigned. That's a good word to describe how I feel right now. I am somewhat concerned about my heart-state, but more for other people's sake. Honestly, I'm perfectly fine with being checked out emotionally for a little while. Productivity goes way up without those pesky feelings in the way. I just wonder if my apathy is showing when I'm talking to people. It's not that I don't want to care about what people are saying to me right now, but to be honest, dusting off my feelings is hard and something I'm doing with a tiny bit of resentment...and that's not cool. I want to care like I always do...I just feel like I can't handle my emotions right now.
But...
When I asked You to give me a heart for Your people and You said yes, neither of us meant "when it's convenient".
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