I got a new computer. I named it Greased Lightning.

I read over one of the stories in one of the manga serial magazines I bought in Japan. I could read almost the whole thing with comprehension...that was cool. I felt a small sense of accomplishment.

I feel as though I'm more and more reluctant to let my cracks show...people say they want to know others inside and out, and I really do believe that that's what they want at the time...but come on. The world we live in is not a patient one, and no one on this earth is willing to listen to your crap at all times (plus I think it's a little presumptuous to think they should). It's like I have a limit of how many times I can complain, and when I really need to vent, I've already used up all my opportunities for the week or something and I paint an ugly picture of myself to the other person. Either that or the other person is having a really sucky week themselves, so trying to one-up them with your own misery is kinda cruel...I'll chicken out every time.

Maybe I do complain too much. It's just that it's a lot less frequent than the internal worrying I do, so I tend not to realize that. And so, it's when I really need to vent that I complain...and when I'm not allowed or made to feel guilty about that, I get a little indignant, I'll admit.

Indignance...such an ugly emotion. I would say it's justified maybe 5% of the time...and the rest of the time, it's just silly, meaningless, puffed-up pride.

Pride gets in the way of love a lot. That's why I really don't like it. And I end up feeling ashamed cause it pops up so often in my life.