I'm not in a good place right now. It's rough.
...I'm probably not as good or successful a person as you think I am. That nauseates me and breaks my heart all at once. I'm too worried about being a waste of space to even think about enjoying life right now. I know it's wrong. I know perfectly well it's a slap in the face to my Creator.
...But to be perfectly honest, I can feel a question bubbling up from the root of me, getting louder and louder and chipping away at me- Why was I born? Of course I know the Sunday School (and correct) answer- to praise God. If only that was all I had to worry about. But let's be honest- do you think that's going to mean anything to the bill collectors or people who see someone who's not doing anything with her life (dear God, I'd do anything to have it not come to that)? I have responsibilities. I know I do. I can't handle this. I feel myself unraveling. Every low point is worse than the one before it. I'm starting to scare myself. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to answer any more questions. But...it sucks being by myself, too.
...I...I really don't know what to do this time.
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2 comments:
So, i'm not an expert on this, but to me it sounds like you're getting broken...
when i have low points, over and over, and the world just seems to heavy and too big, like i'm going to eff up and let everyone down...i've come to figure out that i'm getting broken....
Focus on God liza..Pray that He breaks you gently, and know that you ARE going to come out on the other end of this, and you'll be stronger because of it. He's using this to draw you closer to Him...Let Him draw you in.
.....
and again..this is just what I think...you'd be best to get a second opinion..
I love you, and if you need someone to talk to...you can call me.
Hey chica...so yeah, I fussed last nite, and I meant to call you today, but you know how I feel all the same, and you know that I heart you. You'll be alright. You will.
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