Life is beautiful

Today is my favorite day of the week. I'm serious! Sundays so rock. And today was...interesting. First of all, it rained. It was like normal rain for most of the afternoon, but by the time Reunion let out, it was like the second Flood. But that was fun! I'm the only idiot I know who likes the rain, but man, do I like the rain. I like the sound it makes as it hits the trees and the sidewalks, and I like feeling the cold droplets on my face. And the air just seems so much fresher, so I take deep breaths just cause I can.

Reunion itself was fun. Beforehand was craziness. Now Lou is usually punchy (this is Lou we're talking about. She's always punchy), but Matt Callis was just going nuts today. Mainly harassing the microphone. I blame the Sprite. Those bubbles'll get you, man. We also discussed what flavor of Starburst is better (pink, duh) and if Callis has magic spit. Jim (the drummer) was not here, but this guy named Joel filled in for him on that drum with the weird name and did a very nice job. He's from CIU, and I thought that was rather interesting. I've always wanted to meet someone from there. Ah, yes! And Allison let me borrow her Aaron Keyes Band CD. Love you, Allison! Poddy is quite pleased.

Something weird happened today also. I was wandering the halls as I do between sound check and Reunion, when this lady comes up to me. Apparently she heard me sing during sound check and wanted to give me some words of encouragement, as she is also a singer. I was thankful for that much, because I wasn't on my best game musically today and was losing focus again, so that was a bit of a jolt back to reality. What's weird is she asked me if I knew this song called "On My Knees". I did; in fact, it's one of my favorite songs. Next thing I know, she's talking to Callis. I'm not listening because the sound system was messing up and that had gotten my attention. I asked Callis what she said a bit later, and it turns out that she told him that God had told her that I'm supposed to sing this song at Reunion. OK, 1. If you've ever heard "On My Knees", you know it's not exactly canon Reunion genre, and 2. I'm not even getting into denominational things, but people can get really iffy about people giving them direct directions from God. Callis was nice about it, but when I heard about it, I was really embarrassed. I know what my dad would say (charismatic preacher daddy, not heavenly daddy): not to blow it off but ask God about it myself and see what He says. Of course, this sort of thing is common in my home church, so he may be a little biased, but I think I'll give it a try. I'll do it in a few days, though, because I don't trust my emotions right now. They're very conflicting on the matter.

But Reunion was good. I really liked the songs we sang this week, as I did the week before. My favorite musically was Shivering Door, and my favorite lyrically was All That I Can Say. J.P. spoke today, as Garrett is in Hilton Head. I always like to hear him speak, because he has this wonderfully droll sense of humor. I think the main point was about money, but what really spoke to me was what he had to say about worrying in general. Heaven knows I'm the queen of worrying. I like to say my biggest inner paradox is that I don't expect perfection from anyone but myself, so I find myself nitpicking at stuff in my life and have to make myself stop. He quoted a Bible passage I've heard a million times, but it's like I'm always hearing it for the first time. It's Matthew 6:25-34, which is obviously too long for me to post here, but you should definitely read it over for yourself. My favorite verse from that passage is the very last one (34): "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."

Amen to that, brother. Amen to that. I'm always wanting more or pushing myself farther, and that puts such a strain on you after a while. When I do sit down and remind myself that I have pretty much everything I need and a lot of the things I want (like Poddy), I find that it's easy to be content. I'd rather be thankful for what I do have than restless for the things I don't.

As I was walking back to my dorm, feeling the rain drip on my face and taking deep breaths, I thought about how much fun I'd had today and how rewarding it was to have been able to worship my God and learn more about Him with people I really care about. And all I could think was, "Life is beautiful."

An answered prayer- and it's not about me

Just came back from CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ) and it was awesome. Three things really jumped out at me, so this post may be a little long.

1. We had special guests tonight- the Aaron Keyes Band led worship. They were really talented, and Aaron had a lot of insightful things to say. (When he said he had been married 5 years and had 2 kids, I was like, "When did you get married? 15?!" But that's beside the point.) He was talking about corporate worship and how important it is to have it, and it hit me. You see, I've never really had any Christian friends my age besides my sister and my best bud at my home church Shannon. My prayer for years has been, "Please send me some close Christian friends." So I'm standing in this row of fellow Maxicans, all buds, and I go, "Duh, Liza." I thought about the rash of awesome Christians I've met through CRU and the Shack, and I realized God had answered my prayer far beyond I could've ever imagined. It brought tears to my eyes, and all I could say was "Thank you, God. You've snuck up on me once again." I seriously wake up every day and realize I'm happy, really happy, for the first time in a decade, and I thank God for at least one of my Christian friends. Guys, you truly help God come alive to me, and I should seriously run up to you guys and give you all huge hugs and blubber and get snot all over you.

2. One of the songs we sung out was a contemporary arrangement of the old hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul". Beautiful lyrics. Basically, it says, "No matter what happens, when life is completely beautiful or when you can't seem to stop the tears from coming, I can still thank you and say, 'It is well with my soul.'" I've had to really come to terms with that in the past year. I am nowhere near where I thought I'd be this time last year, but I'm in a place that's so much better. I feel like I've finally let go of my past and started to heal those long, ragged scars that I thought would never go away. I guess the real test will come when really bad things happen (as I'm sure they will). But I think, at least I hope, that when the time comes I'll be able to say what I can without hesitation now: "It is well with my soul."

3. The speaker was from a local church. I forget his name, but his message was so convicting and it was something I really needed to hear. The thing is, God is my best friend. That part is easy. Remembering that he's my Savior too? Not always so easy. I need to be reminded of that every once in a while- while getting my toes stomped on with painful force. I need to know how God connects with me most of the time, but I also need to know just how big He is and how unimportant I am sometimes too. The speaker was talking about worship, and he pulled no punches. He reminded me that worship isn't about me and whether I feel good or if I sound good. He also asked, "When's the last time you entered the throne room of God and just listened, instead of bringing your Santa Claus wishlist of things you want Him to do?"

Ouch. Too close to home, but I really needed to hear that.

Lately, I find myself saying this one-sentence prayer a lot: "God, don't let me screw this up." It has to do with a lot of things: how I as a Christian act in public, how I deal with other people, whether or not I let myself go and let God do what he needs to do when I sing on Sunday nights. If someone was to turn away from God because of something I did because I just wasn't feeling it that particular day, it would break my heart. I'm my own worst critic, so I know best how I fall short in so many areas. The fact that God works through me is a miracle in itself. I remember something Lou said one day: "This life we're living right now is our one shot at this." It's true. I feel like I wasted a lot of time this past year lashing out at God about things I just didn't (and still don't completely) understand. But I'm going to make the most of the time I've got left. I know I'm going to mess up sometimes, but I'm going to remember who God is and why I'm doing this and give it everything I've got. If I can do that much, I know God will do the rest.